Shattered Dreams Read online

  Shattered Dreams

  Book One of the Freedom Trilogy

  By Brenda Kennedy

  •••

  Copyright 2014 by Brenda Kennedy

  SMASHWORDS EDITION

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  Dedicated to Doris and LeRoy and to Karen and Bob

  •••

  Chapter One: Combat Boots and Baby Shoes

  Emma

  “Push, Emma, I can see him!” Max says excitedly, as he stands at the head of the hospital bed, holding my hand.

  “Emma, one more big push should do it. When I tell you, I want you to give it all you have,” the doctor says as he looks at me.

  I only nod; I am exhausted. I don’t know how I am going to push any more. I have been in labor for nearly 19 hours.

  “Ok, Emma, here we go. Take a deep breath, tuck your chin into your chest, and on the count of three… push,” the doctor says.

  Max whispers into my ear. “Come on, Em, in just a few minutes we get to meet our son. I love you and I am so proud of you.” Max lightly touches my earlobe and I open my eyes. I look into his piercing blue eyes. I can see his smile in his eyes.

  Max lifts my head for me and I tuck my chin into my chest, as I have done many times before. I take a deep breath, close my eyes, and push with all the strength I have left in me. Max bends downs and counts softly into my ear. When he says ten, I open my eyes.

  “Em, look in the mirror. Do you see him? That’s our boy, Em, our son: mine and yours.” Max says sweetly without raising up and away from me. He lowers my head back down to the bed. He wipes the tear away from the corner of my eye before it trickles down.

  “Emma, you’re doing great. Rest until the next contraction and then I want you to push just like you did this time.”

  “I can’t,” I whisper, so only Max can hear me.

  Max rubs his thumb back and forth over my earlobe. He has done that since our first date in high school. He kisses me and says, “Em, I know you can do it once more. Our son is right there waiting to meet us.” He kisses me again.

  “This is it, Emma,” the doctor says, scooting his stool closer to me.

  Max lifts my head and I don’t open my eyes. “On the count of three.” I wait for Max to count before taking a deep breath. I push then I feel a tug. “Open your eyes, Em, you’re going to miss it.”

  I open my eyes and the doctor is suctioning the nose and mouth of a blond-haired baby. I smile and watch. Max leans in closer and whispers into my ear. “God, he’s beautiful. He looks just like you.”

  We watch intently as the doctor gently pulls our baby the rest of the way out. I think I hold my breath until our son fills his lungs with air and cries. I turn my head towards Max; he is also crying.

  “God, Em, I swear I didn’t think I could love you anymore, but I was wrong.” I smile and he kisses me. “Thank you, thank you so much for giving me my son, a family.”

  Max takes the camera and snaps several pictures of our son.

  The doctor places our crying son on my belly and asks Max if he wants to cut the umbilical cord. Max stands tall and proud, then nods. I watch as the nurse hands him a pair of medical scissors and Max cuts in the area she instructs.

  My eyes fill with tears. Max is still wearing his Army fatigues, boots, and a camouflage shirt. He was in the field for a training day when I went into labor. I am three weeks early so none of our parents is here. Just Max, me, and our military family.

  Once the umbilical cord is cut, the nurse removes our son from my belly and carries him over to another table on the other side of the room. I keep my eyes focused on our baby. The nurse is rubbing him vigorously with a towel and he continues to cry.

  “Just a few more minutes, Emma, and I’ll be done here,” the doctor says.

  I begin to shiver and someone covers me with a warm blanket. Max leans down next to me and kisses me. “I think we need a name for our little soldier.”

  I turn my head and smile, “I want to name him Maxwell James Greyson Jr.” Max and I have already had this talk and Max doesn’t think he is worthy enough to have his son named after him. He said he didn’t want his son walking in his shadow.

  “Em, look at him. He’s strong and beautiful, a true soldier. He deserves to be named after a hero.”

  Max takes even more photos of our son.

  “Max, you are a hero, you’re my hero.”

  They wrap our baby up and the nurse carries him over to us. I sit up and the nurse hands him to me. He is swaddled in a light blue blanket and a white cap that covers his hair. He is awake and looking at me. Max sits closely and lightly touches our son’s face with the backs of his fingers. “God, Em, he’s beautiful.”

  “He’s handsome like his daddy.” I look over my shoulder so I can see Max.

  “Dad. I’m a dad. I’m going to be the best dad I can be. I’m going to make you and him proud of me,” Max says seriously.

  “Max, I am already proud of you and I love you so much.”

  Max looks away from the baby and looks at me with a sad smile. “There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you and him. You know that, right?”

  I nod. My nose begins to tingle; this is a clear sign that I’m about to cry. Max lightly touches my earlobe and I smile. I lean my head into his hand and close my eye. He leans into me and kisses my forehead. The baby fusses and Max laughs. “He’s already starting to interfere with my alone time with you.”

  Max stands up and takes the baby from my arms. He holds him with confidence and pride. Max cuddles him before removing his hat. “Blond hair like his mother,” he says, smiling. “What can we name him other than Maxwell? He deserves something strong, powerful, and authoritative.”

  “Max, if you won’t agree with Maxwell James, let’s name him James Maxwell. He won’t be a Jr., but he’ll still be named after you.”

  Max looks at his son, “James Maxwell Greyson. No Jimmy, or Jimbo or Jim?”

  “No, we’ll call him James.”

  “James Maxwell Greyson, your mother is very persistent.” Max looks over at me with a smile.

  “Is that a yes? We can name him after you?” I ask, hopefully.

  Max kisses his son and smiles. “I think James suits him, James Greyson. Yes, Emma, I think it’s a perfect name for our little soldier.”

  “I’m sorry, Sergeant. But, there is a waiting room full of unruly soldiers waiting to hear some news about the mom and baby. Would you mind going out there and telling them something?” the nurse asks, smiling.

  “Oh, yeah, I should do that. Most of them have been out there since your labor started.” Max kisses the baby and hands him to me. “I’ll be right back, I love you both so much.”

  “We love you, too. Go tell them to go home and please thank them for me.”

  “They are going to want to see you and the baby, you know.”

  “I know, just tell them we’ll see them once we get home. It’s been a long several hours of labor. They’ll understand.” I am suddenly feeling exhausted.

  “I will.” Max kisses me, then the baby, and heads for the door.

  “Oh, Max?”

  He turns around to look at me, “Yes, Em?”

  “Don’t come in here smelling of cheap cigars. I know how you and your boys are.”

  “Wouldn’t think of it; be right back.”

  Max

  I
walk out into the waiting room, which is full of our military family. I stand at the doorway bearing an all-American smile. Looking around the room, I see my platoon standing around waiting for an update. Wilson, Lanford, Wagner, Snider, Jamison, Poland, and even Mahoney are here with their wives. They have been a part of our family for the past year, ever since we have been stationed in Fort Drum, New York. I clear my throat and everyone looks up. “We have a beautiful, healthy, baby boy,” I announce proudly.

  The room erupts with cheers. I take a step further into the room and close the door securely behind me, to mute the noise from the room.

  “Sarg, please tells us he looks like Emma?” Mahoney shouts from across the room. His wife, who is standing beside him, nudges him in his ribs, and smiles.

  “Yeah, Mahoney, thank the good lord, he looks just like Em.”

  Lanford and his wife walk towards me. “Does the little soldier have a name?”

  “He does, we decided to name him James Maxwell,” I beam. I clear my throat. “James, no shortening it, no nicknames, just James.”

  Wilson’s wife walks up to me and hugs me. “I think James is a wonderful name, Max. How is Emma doing?”

  “She’s great. I am so proud of her and the baby is perfect.” I raise my voice a little louder so everyone can hear. “Em and I want to thank you all for being here with us and for sharing in the birth of our son.” I clear my throat again. “It really means a lot to us both.”

  “Does this mean we can light up these cigars now?” Wilson says, as he passes them out to each of the guys. The girls crinkle up their noses and I laugh.

  “Party on, but I need to get back in there. But, seriously, thank you all.”

  I open the door and turn to leave before someone calls me by name. “Greyson?” I turn around and Snyder walks up to me with an envelope and a package in his hands. “Here, it isn’t much, but we wanted to get the newest member of our squad something. Tell Emma we are proud of her and can’t wait to see her and the baby.”

  I take the gift and the envelope from Snider. “Thank you, this means a lot to Emma and me.” I turn and walk out the room.

  I walk into Em’s room and she and James are fast asleep. She is holding him to her chest and has her hand resting on his back. The room is dim and no one else is in there. I quietly walk over and stand at the edge of the bed. Emma wakes up and smiles. “Hi.”

  “Hi, I didn’t mean to wake you. You look so beautiful, I couldn’t help but stare.”

  Emma scoots over and lifts the blanket up for me to get under. “You can stare at me all day long, if you want.”

  I sit on the edge of the bed and kiss her head. “The guys got us something,” I say, raising the gift for her to see.

  “They didn’t have to do that.”

  “They know that, but they wanted to.”

  “Go ahead and open it.” She repositions James in her arms so she can get a better look.

  I open the card and see a picture of a little boy playing with a train set. Inside are two crisp $100 bills. The card reads, A little something to help with his first train set. Love, Uncle Mahoney, Poland, Snider, Wilson, Jamison, Lanford, and Wagner. I smile and look up at Emma.

  “A train set?”

  “Yeah, it’s a guy thing,” I say, laughing.

  She laughs, too. “Boys and their toys.”

  I open up the gift and hold it up for Emma to see. It’s a camouflage onesie and matching pants. “Well, I guess I know what he’ll be coming home in,” she says, picking up the small outfit.

  “Like father, like son,” I beam.

  I pick up the baby and hold him. “Thank God, he looks like you. The guys also send their love and they said they’ll see you soon. I thought some of the guys would have left, but they all stayed. Even their wives were out there waiting on the news of the birth.”

  “We are very blessed to be stationed here with such wonderful people.”

  “I think so, too, Em. It makes it a lot easier being away from our home and family. Some great people are stationed here with us.”

  The nurse walks in, and I stand up from the bed with James. The nurse checks Emma and pushes on her belly and checks her vital signs. Emma grimaces and I move over to stand near her. She reaches her hand up to me and I take it in mine. She squeezes my hand and I know she is in pain. Once the nurse is done examining Emma, she asks, “Do you want to try to feed your son?”

  Emma looks at me and smiles. “I would love to,” she says, sitting up in the bed. The nurse walks over and gets an extra pillow from the linen closet. I kiss the baby and hand him to Emma. I don’t walk away from the bed; instead, I sit on the edge so I can be a part of his first feeding. The nurse assists Emma from the other side of the bed, and I watch my son nurse for the first time. Reaching over I lightly touch James’ forehead. He has the softest skin I have ever felt. Emma looks over at me and smiles.

  I say, “I love you so much. You do know that I am the happiest man on the earth right now?” I raise my hand and touch Emma’s earlobe. She leans her head into my hand and I cup my hand over her cheek.

  “Max, I love you so much. Thank you for giving him to me. It’s hard to believe how much I love him, already.” Emma looks down at James as he eats, and touches his small cheek.

  “He’s beautiful. Today is right up there with one of the best days of my life.”

  “One of them?” she asks, surprised.

  “Yes, marrying you is one and James’ birth is another. I feel complete. Everything I have ever wanted is right here. I am the luckiest guy on the planet Earth.”

  Once James is finished eating and Emma swaddles him. I lay him down in his crib. I look over at Emma; she is sitting up in bed with her eyes closed. I lower the head of her hospital bed and cover her with the blankets up to her chin, the way I know she likes them. She tells me she loves me, but she doesn’t open her eyes. There is a recliner in the room I make into a bed for me for the night. I know that she will want me to go home, but I have no intentions of leaving my family in the hospital alone. I kiss her goodnight before I kiss James goodnight. I look on the nightstand; a children’s book is lying on the stand. I open it and see that it is a gift from Emma’s mom and dad.

  For our firstborn grandson. We loved you even before we met you. We love you so much, Grandma and Pap.

  I smile at the thought of how much my son is already loved. He is only a few hours old and so many people already love him. The more people who love him, the better off he will be as a child and a man. The book is called The Grandchild. I pull up a chair and begin to read the book to James before going to bed.

  Emma

  “Emma, please don’t lift that. I’ll get it for you.”

  “Max, I am more than capable of carrying our baby into the house.”

  “The baby, yes, but not the baby and his carrier. Here, let me,” Max says, reaching into the back seat and unfastening the carrier from the carrier base.

  “I’m not as fragile as you think.”

  “I know that. I just want you to take it easy for a while. The doctor said no lifting.”

  “Max, he didn’t mean the baby.” And we both laugh.

  “Ok, you got me there. Once we get him in the house, then you can carry him.”

  Max carries the baby and my suitcase and we walk into our military-issued duplex apartment on base. We have lived here for the past year. We share the other half of the duplex with Jamison, a guy in Max’s platoon. Jamison is married to Brooke, and they have two sons: Braden is two years old, and Briley is 6 months old.

  Max opens the door and I smell food cooking as soon as I walk in. He closes the door and Brooke walks out of the kitchen.

  “It’s about time,” she says, smiling. “I thought Greyson got lost.”

  “He didn’t tell me you were going to be here.” I walk over to hug her. “That explains why he took the long way home,” I say, looking back over my shoulder at him.

  “Don’t blame me, I was told to give Brooke t
ime to get dinner ready. How am I supposed to know how long that takes?” he says while lifting James from the carrier.

  Brooke walks over and hugs Max before taking the baby from him. “You’re right. It just seemed like you were gone forever. I’ve been dying here waiting for you guys.”

  Brooke walks over to the couch with our son, and Max and I watch her hold him. She uncovers him and looks at his fingers and toes, she removes his small cap and looks at his hair. I kiss Max and we both go over and sit beside Brooke. She replaces his cap and swaddles him in a baby blanket before she holds him to her chest. We watch as she kisses his cheek and cuddles him. “Oh, Emma and Greyson, he is such a cutie.”

  A knock sounds at the door, and Max stands to answer it.

  “That’s probably Brice; although I am right next door, he’s probably going crazy alone with the boys,” Brooke says.

  Max opens the door and Brice walks in, carrying a crying baby and holding Braden’s hand. Braden sees Brooke and takes off and runs towards her.

  “I’m sorry, Emma and Brooke, but they want their mother.” He looks disheveled and tired. I take James from Brooke and she bends down and picks up Braden. She kisses him before she walks over to the door to join her husband and baby.

  “Food’s done. There’s meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and a salad on the table. The brownies are in the oven; they still have about 15 minutes left on the timer before they are done.”

  “Thank you, you didn’t have to do that.”

  “We know that; we wanted to. Someone in the platoon will be cooking for you once a night for the next week. We want you to take it easy for a while.” She takes the fussy baby from Brice and he instantly calms.

  “Why don’t you stay and eat with us?”

  “No, thank you. This is your time. I’ll be over tomorrow when these guys go to work. If you need me or need anything, come over, text, or call us.”

  “I’m off on paternity leave,” Max says, walking towards the door.

  “You are? You got time off from work?” I ask.

  “I took two weeks off.”

  “Oh, Max, two weeks with you and no work. Just you, me, and James?”

  Max walks over to me, “You’re excited now, but in two weeks, you’ll be singing another tune.”